Monday, February 11, 2013

the prince in shining blue armor

Enameled Leather Armor

Look at him...some may say he's handsome...others (like me) may use different words to describe him. As I was surfing on Pinterest this evening I realized how ridiculous some of the "Fantasy Medieval" photo posses are. What would you say he's doing? Tracking down evil ghoulish ogres who have mercilessly taken his sworn love captive or something? Why else would he be kneeling down while squinting determinedly off into the distance while slightly gripping his sword handle as if he was thinking, "By the Moon and Stars above I will scour every crevice of this blasted enchanted forest until my love and I are again united"?
And another thing that has peaked my attention; his fashion statement of dead animal fur that graces his highness's shoulders. Of what use is it? Well, I suppose you could ask of what use is bright blue armor! I do think the way they made the blue fade from dark to light was creative. Also the way they made the boots is pretty awesome! I wonder if Josh would wear them... So he's not all that bad. Because, you know, for being from the times of lice infestation and once-a-year bathing privileges he really has sweet hair.

 Behold! The Sword of Power! Excalibur!Now this guy really knows how to be serious. I mean look at him...his beard shows how manly he is, his eyes locked in on his evil blood relative who has rebelled against the throne, the fire spewing dragon pictured on his shield shows that he's a member the fire spewing dragon club (which is manly). Now compare this guy's suit of armor with the other guy's suit of armor. Which do you like better? I prefer silver personally, but I will not try to sway your choice. Now between this guys sword and the prince in blue armor's sword (we'll call him Wilhelm the Blue) I like this guy's sword best. Simple yet traditional. I don't get what's up with the little spiky things on top of his helm though. Is it a device to ward off predators, like monarch butterflies do with color, or is it an antennae to receive radio signals for when he's on the battle ground so he can communicate with his general? Hmmm.... Or he could be trying to bond with unicorns. I don't know. It may just be a requirement to stay a member of the fire spewing dragon club.

ArcheryNow let's step away from princes in shining armor whether blue or silver, and let us survey this dark looking archer who is probably up to no good. He's like Robin Hood's evil younger brother who steals from the rich to...well...steal from the rich. I don't want to criticize this guy at all because I would totally love an outfit like this one. Cool obtrusive looking cowl complete with useless leather straps adorning body with awesomely fleched arrows slung over the back and nice tunic probably made out of linen. I would pick a different bow though. Not my style. But for a dark evil-hearted Aelfric Hood lurking in the darkest places in some forest waiting to bring down grief upon unsuspecting rich people, I think it would do quite nicely.

Now, to stop picking on men so much I shall pick on this lovely lady. Her dress is great! She probably spent a lot of time and trouble on it if she made it herself. Or if she didn't, a lot of money. But again, the weird "Medieval Fantasy" poses. What is she doing? "I am a rebellious princess fleeing from my father who misunderstands me, so I have strapped all this useless junk onto my belt and am now flouncing through this weedy field until he changes his mind about my life." Oh my...

Well those are my views on these matters. Until next time!
-Kirsten Elizabeth

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